|Cloister the Stupid|
|Place of Origin||Red Dwarf|
|Appearances||Waiting for God|
|Alter Egos||Dave Lister|
|Family||Protector of the cat people|
Cloister the Stupid is the Cat race's god, as recorded in their Holy book. The Cat describes how he was 'frozen in time' in order to save 'the holy mother' (Frankenstein, Lister's pet cat, from which the Felis Sapiens race evolved). He actually turns out to be Lister ("The Stupid?!" Lister exclaims), who was put in suspended animation rather than giving up Frankenstein. The Cats believed that one day he would return and lead them to Fuchal, the Cat version of paradise. (RD: The End) This was a corruption of Lister's desire to set up home on Fiji. He would open a temple of food (diner) and serve hot dogs and doughnuts.
The Cat People went to war over what colour hats would be worn in Fuchal. Some believed them to be red and others blue. Most of the Cat People were killed during the civil war, which astounded Lister, since he had intended the hats to be green.
Lister's love of curries and other foods were incorporated into the Cat religion. Priests of the order wore sacred custard stains and gravy marks, and believed that Cloister would return wearing a golden doughnut and carrying a golden sausage.
Lister ultimately saw fit to fulfill this prophecy, taking some items from the statues of himself and barging in, in dramatic fashion, for the old dying Felis Sapien Cat Priest left in Supply Pipe 28. (RD: Waiting For God)
In Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers, the Cat god was named either Cloister or Clister, depending on which faction was involved. It was this difference of theology that caused them to go to war with each other.
- Lister: "I am your god." Cat, pointing at his food: "Okay, turn that into a woman." RD: Waiting For God