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Tongue Tied

Boing

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AckermanBoing

Warden Ackerman of The Tank under the influence of Boing, and unable to play basketball

Boing was a virility enhancement drug, used by men in the future.

Rimmer described its effects as making you "harder than a quadratic equation" within seconds, and not wearing off for 7 hours.

When they were forced to play a game of basketball against the guards in The Tank, the Dwarfers realised that they would have to cheat in order to avoid being beaten into a pulp. Rimmer and Lister used the skutters to sneak into the Medi-Bay and steal a consignment of Boing. They then managed to slip the drug into the guard's half-time drinks.

The first half of the game was a disaster for the Dwarfers, with Warden Ackerman's team cheating and brutalising their way to a 48 - 3 lead. When the guards sipped their drinks, the Boing kicked in almost immediately, causing every man on the team to become "stimulated" in the trouser area, whether they wanted to be or not. This caused them to play the entire second half bent over trying to hide their embarrassment. They could not move even half as fast as the Dwarfers, allowing them to score with impunity. The match finished 48 - 53 to the Dwarfers.

The guard's coach, Captain Hollister, was furious with his team for their apparent loss of form, until he drank some of the Boing-spiked drink and developed a similar enhancement. He later discovered who was behind the spiking and explained to Rimmer and Lister that 7 hours was a very long time. He couldn't remove his shorts until after midnight and had to urinate by doing a handstand on the toilet seat. He stopped the lift doors from closing, and had to take the shuttle train down to the Medi-Bay - having the pay the shuttle fare twice. Hollister threatened to crush the skutter who had stolen the Boing, but Lister insisted that it had been himself who had purloined the drug.

Later, when Birdman remarked that Pete had gone stiff, Rimmer thought he must have drank the spiked drink. Pete was actually dead, but Rimmer had got the wrong idea. ("Pete I", Series VIII).

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